Battlemath- It's A Vet's Life!

In this highly ambitious feature length movie, Brainwave gave their own interesting take on the Vietnam war. Ever ones for technical accuracy, Robin and Rob researched everything thoroughly by watching Tour Of Duty on television. They also went to a car boot sale and purchased roughly three vietnam movies (none of which starred Chuck Norris) and taped Jacknife from Channel 4.

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Above we see Keith in highly authentic 'Nam gear.

Everything down to the soldiers hair wax was replicated. Many viewers cannot tell the difference between the location at Wharncliffe Crags and Vietnam itself.

Writing and directing chores were shared equally between Robin and Rob, who also starred in the two lead roles.

Just like real 'Nam vets, they wore plaid shirts and body warmers or 'life preservers' as they're called in Back To The Future.

The main characters of Frank Whitby and Billy Trumble had explosive on-screen chemistry. Their facial hair was securely glued in place before each day of filming and had to be painfully removed by skilled nurses because you're not supposed to use bostik apparently.

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Robin Hartley as Frank Whitby eating a lovely cheese sandwich.

One powerful scene shows Frank hitting a girl. Robin gave the actress Lisa a right good bitch slap and even seemed to enjoy it. Reflecting real life, she soon forgives him and he gives her a good seeing to.

For the shot where we see Billy crying, and playing his harmonica whilst sat on the toilet, Rob secretly kept his pants on, in case folk laughed at his penis. The tears are actually just 'water' which was poured into place (in and around the eye area) from tea spoons.

For the 'fight in a diner' scene, the team went to Rock Island at Meadowhall shopping mall where Tristian works as a DJ. As fans will know, Tristian later joined the Brainwave family as a talented actor in his own right. The producers would like to apologise to all at Rock Island for knocking over the expensive coke machine (to quote the manager '..that cost two fuc*kin' grand!'.

Click here to see the original Battlemath notes made by Robin and Rob in biro.

It's a bit of a shame that the negative for Battlemath was destroyed in a freak accident. As Robin was 'heavy petting' with some fat tart, his bottom knocked over a candle which fell onto the film, utterly destroying any trace. This is even more remarkable than it sounds, as the candle wasn't even lit.